I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
