mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
