I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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