I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
