You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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