We named our party play list daddy issues
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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