Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
