I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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