Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize