I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
