Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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