You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
