i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
