i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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