You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
