My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
cat food counts as protein by the way
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
