Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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