Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
