I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
soo... how was my night?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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