if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
is wine microwaveable?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
