i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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