shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
