Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
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im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Oh god it's open bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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