I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
