One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
