My balls are so social today.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it's like iHOP with fire
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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