Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
