Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
