so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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