I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
