What did we do last night that was yellow?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
