in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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