I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
