remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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