I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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