Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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