went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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