Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
