Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
