I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
