I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
