so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
