It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
