Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
