I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
