Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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