I hate your face
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
