I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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