You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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