Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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