My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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