I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
