Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
