just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
