he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
