WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
