i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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