He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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