So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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