one might say we're banned from that church
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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