1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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