There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
