Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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