Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
