did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
