it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize