the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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