Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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