i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
