hell yes lets make some ravioli
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
