i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
