I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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