Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
