so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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