I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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