Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
