Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
