K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
