the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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