I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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