if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
