I wannas sexs uuuuu
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
