i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
